tim broke up with me last night.

i know it’s the right thing to do. i can’t say i’m really devastated either; i had a lot of anxiety in august about what this year would be like. i just wish i had talked to him more about it. 

but it’s still hard to come to terms with. i really liked a lot about tim—but moreso the real tim. right now he’s not there, he’s in deep dark shit working through his problems. pushing me away because he needs to be alone. and that hurts. but i know it’s the only way he can fix himself up. and i do want that for him. for us, and our relationship. and stangely enough i think i need this time alone too. in investing so much of myself into the relationship i let go of my own independence. i feel like i just tried to walk down the stairs in the dark and thought there were still a couple more stairs, but there weren’t. it’s just an absence in me i need to fill.

deep in me i know i can find someone better, but elsewhere in me, i don’t want anbody else.